The Enlightenment
by marenubium
Summary: A prank by Wolowitz leaves Sheldon shaken. Sheldon/Penny in later chapters!


This takes place post-Leonard/Penny breakup...about end of season two. Shenny in later chapters! _Beware_... :D

xxxxxxxxxxx The Enlightenment xxxxxxxxxxx

"No, no, _no_..." Leonard laid into his controller, ducking and leaning wildly as the small, running figure on the screen before him did the same.

"Give up Leonard, it's just a matter of time!" Raj taunted. A particularly wild swing of Leonard's arm connected with Wolowitz's shoulder, shoving him into Raj. From the TV, a deep voice scolded, "_Lost the flag_!"

Glaring at the countdown to respawn, Wolowitz muttered, "Maybe, if the two of you could STOP CROWDING ME... _I could play too_! There is _clearly_ enough room on this couch!"

"_Assassination_!"

The three figures huddled together before the TV, which had been scooted as close as the power cord would allow and turned down to a bare whisper. Each was focused on his character with an intensity that spoke of life and _death_. Teeth were gritted, fingers were clenched white-knuckled around controllers. This was the tournament that decided _everything._"_Game _OVER_" _the deep voice announced with finality.

"How many matches was that? There's no _way_ that was best of seven already!" Leonard leaned back and folded his arms.

"_Leonard_," Wolowitz chided, "You agreed..._like we all did_...that this was the only fair way to decide."

"We can always go back to 'rock, paper, scissors, lizzard, Spock' if you'd prefer...," offered Raj with a grin. "_No!" _the other two hissed in unison, whipping their heads towards Sheldon's door. Had they woken the sleeping giant? It was common knowledge Sheldon couldn't resist a game of "rock, paper, scissors, lizzard, Spock". After a few seconds of slience, the three visibly relaxed.

"What do you think got into him?" Asked Raj, gesturing towards Sheldon's closed door. "He's _never_ sat out on Halo night before."

"Oh, Sheldon's just having a hard time coping with this year's nominations for the NSTA award...you know how much work he'd put into his new theory," Leonard replied.

"_Everybody _knows that's just a popularity contest," Wolowitz said with exasperation.

"Yeah, well...Do you expect _Sheldon_ to realize that?"

"So what's he working on now?" Interjected Raj.

"I dunno...something new. He says it'll revolutionize the field of physics and 'make Newton cry like a little girl with a skinned knee'."

"Gosh," said Wolowitz insincerely, "That almost makes me feel _bad_..."

"Almost" responded Raj. The two snickered and exchanged a fist bump.

"What did you guys do _now_..." sighed Leonard, shaking his head. "You _know_ he's on the verge of a breakdown."

"Oh, nothing!" Wolowitz quickly replied. "Unless he opens some rather unfortunate email..." finished Raj.

"Lovely."

"Oh don't be such a ninny, Leonard. Believe me...you'll be laughing with the rest of us when it goes down," Wolowitz grinned, "Now it looks like _someone_ needs to pony up the pizza money!"

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

"Ugh...I can't eat another bite."

"Well then, maybe you shouldn't have ordered the jumbo 'pizzasaurus'..._Howard._" Leonard fixed Wolowitz with a face-melting glare.

"Shhhh! This is the best part..." whispered Raj. All three huddled closer to the tv, which was still turned low. The quiet 'popping' of muted gunfire and soft screams quickly had their full attention.

Leonard was the first to notice the low, throaty moans. With a confused look, he glanced around the apartment. "I don't remember this part of the Terminator soundtrack..." Wolowitz perked up and nudged Raj, grinning. Both turned to watch the door to Sheldon's room, where the sound seemed to be coming from.

"My friend," said Wolowitz, "Sit back and enjoy the show."

Not only did the moans get louder, they multiplied. If the sounds were to be belived, a chorus of young women were currently in Sheldon's room, enjoying themselves immensely. Suddenly, the cries were interrupted by a loud crash and sounds of a struggle. Glass shattered. Hands were fumbling at the doorknob unsuccessfully. Then, the door was pulled open and the layers of moans, cries, and wet smacking sounds (_like a boot in mud, but thicker _thought Wolowitz) filled the apartment. As quickly as it was opened it slammed shut. Sheldon had braced himself, wild-eyed and shaking, against the door...holding the knob as if for dear life.

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

"It was an ad_vert_isement for increasing the size of one's electron microscope! How was _I_ to know that they would resort to such lies and trickery? When a man isn't safe in his own _inbox_, my friends, it's a sad, _sad _day." Sheldon was huddled in his spot, wrapped in a blanket like a flood victim. He clutched his steaming mug of hot chocolate to his chest, shuddering every now and again. Every time his left eye twitched, Howard and Raj coughed loudly to supress their laughter.

Leonard glared at them and patted Sheldon on the back again. "You just have to be more careful... there are _people_," he paused to give Wolowitz the evil eye, "...who use that sort of thing to take advantage of you. You should know better than to download something from someone you don't know."

"I'm not a _child_." Furious coughing from Raj and Wolowitz. In a hushed voice, Sheldon said, "It was _horrible_, Leonard. So_horrible_."

"Will you excuse me for a second?" Leonard said with a tight smile, grabbing for Howard's sleeve as he retreated to the hall.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Leonard confronted his friend. "I can't _believe_ that you would _do_ something like that! He's practically scarred for life!"

"It was a joke!" defended Howard, "Think of it as payback for all the times he's said _'bazinga'_."

"Who's scarred for life?" Penny's head peeked around her door.

"Hello, lovely..." purred Wolowitz.

"Hello, creepy..." Penny replied in a bored tone. "Now, _who's scarred for life_?"

"Oh, Koothrappali and I successfully infected Sheldon's computer with a virus... of _my_ design, might I add." Howard grinned proudly.

"It bombarded Sheldon's laptop with porn." Leonard said, deadpan.

Penny's eyes went wide and she covered her mouth. "No _way_!" she said when she regained her composure. "How's he taking it?"

"Not too well..." Leonard said, glancing back at his door. "Right now he looks like a cross between a lost chihuahua and a late-in-life Michael J. Fox."

"Oooh, that's too bad..." she tapered off. Then, excitedly "Can I come see?"

"_Penny!_" Leonard cried, "That's _terrible_!"

Wolowitz took her by the elbow, saying, "C'mon, there's even _pizza_."


End file.
